Friday, April 4, 2008

Thoughts from my heart

This will be my last post for a while.

Do I have anything thought provoking to share?

Of late my life has been one big exciting thought provoking adventure. :)

What to share...what to share. Hmmm...

It amazes me daily the Lord's goodness to me! I don't deserve what He has done in my life, yet in spite of my unworthiness He continues to bless me and multiply my joy. The past couple weeks my family has teased that I am in Nathanland and I will admit I am and have been. I have forgotten ingredients while cooking, choked on vitamins, half heard what everyone has said and at times my mind just goes blank. I am laughing as I write this.

That is another thought provoker. My family. They are all sooooo precious to me! My simple words can't explain what they mean to me. They, alone, have been my best friends, my comedians, my backbone, my sillies, my joy and my life up until a few weeks ago. They have been all I have known daily for 22 years.

I look around my bedroom to see all my possessions packed up. As a family, we have moved over 19 times in 22 years to different homes. It's odd cause this is a move I am making without my dad, mom and 2 brothers. I look around my family and just think. I have been with them for 22 years. I can write that last sentence out and it looks so easy but the memories and the past that go behind that one little sentence are a powerful testimony to God's goodness to my family and I.

Although I have been floating in Nathanland, I have been here at home too. What sweetness I have enjoyed with my family for 22 years! How appreciative to them for all they have done for me and continue to do.

I think of God's design how HE created family. How He designed a man to take a wife and then for them to become a family. That is a reality now to me. I actually understand now. It has been odd/exciting/happy/sad/amazing to see and feel how my desire has been turned from my family to Nathan. How before me being only a daughter and sister was very important to me. My desire to please my family was so strong in me each day. I woke up thought of being with my family each day. My mind was on things that I would do with them. Now my heart strings have been joined to Nathan and though I love my family SO much and want to please them, Nathan has taken 2nd place in my heart. 2nd place? Yes, because the Lord Jesus has been in first always.

As I think on all this, I think of my parents and my brothers. I am so thankful to them. I sit here crying. Words just can't describe what I feel for them. I can't seem to capture the words to express what I feel and think. I just love them so much. That is all I can say.

I think where I would be if it were not for the Lord. I think of how He saved me, cleansed me and made me new. How through my teen years I was able to walk in newness of life. I think of the hard times too. Growing up in our culture is so rough. There are so many temptations out there and the devil is on the prowl. My heart fills up with praise for ALL the LORD has done for my family and I.

I am thankful that my family has been willing to go where we didn't want to go when the Lord directed. There have been many times when we were at peace with where we were and the Lord said "move" and we moved. It could be from state to state or in everyday situations. Where would I be today if we hadn't followed His calling? Course' at times we have had closed ears, yet still God has used us. We ain't worthy to be used. God is so good.

Thank you Dad and Mom for giving me life and letting the Lord use you as tools to prepare me for Nathan. I love you Dad! I love you Mom!

Thank you boys for putting up with me through the years ;) and for protecting me. I may be the oldest, but you both have always looked out for me in everything. I love you Juju and Jon!

Tomorrow Nathan and I will start our new life together. Saying I am excited is an understatement. Many have asked me, "Are you getting excited?" I don't think I have ever been so excited. I think right now I could run outside bellowing at the top of my lungs with glee!

Next time I write I will be Mrs. Nathan Black. ;)

Love
Jessica

3 comments:

Kaila said...

I'm SO happy for you,Jessia! I can relate to how close you are with your family. Especially my mom,Megan,and Matthew. They are my best friends. I wish you and Nathan nothing but joy,peace,and grace as you start your new life together. God's blessings on you both!

Love,
Kaila

Anonymous said...

Dear Jessica,

Greetings in the name of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ!

Thank you so much for sharing your heart here, and for the honor and glory your testimony brings to the name of our Lord! Your heart, through Jesus Christ, is absolutely beautiful! May your life as Mrs. Nathan Black bring much honor, glory and bear much fruit for Jesus!

I am a simple spectator in your life, through your fil-to-be's blog. I am a wife and mother, homeschooling and raising disciples for our Lord Jesus, and I am sharing with them your sweet testimony of patience, perserverence, love and contentment. As I am raising 7 (so far) children for Him in this dark and dying world, praying to be used as a light, I appreciate your words shared here!

Lots of love and prayers from this stranger, yet from your brothers and sisters in Christ! Blessing upon blessing is prayed for your and your love!

Love in Christ,
Mrs. Christine Masloske
www.road2him.com

Anonymous said...

congratulations to Mr and Mrs Nathan Black, may the Lord shower you with His blessings and flood your lives with His presence!

Penny Raine